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So please use this to your advantage. Bust out that vaguely Eastern European accent and watch the magic unfold.

It will tantalize them. Always be vocal about what you enjoy!

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Eye contact can be so sensual during dirty talk. But you know what else is sensual?

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Preordering the new romance novel from Bachelor host Chris Harrison. Put on the original Muppets movie!

That song Kermit and Fozzie Bear sing together in the car? Recite your grocery list again, but this time do it like Nicki Minaj would. Interrupt the habe to quickly call your mom back.

Are you crying though? Because tears act as a natural aphrodisiac. Kind of like lobster.

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Lrt a dramatic reading of 50 Shades Of Grey, but in a chipmunk voice to really heighten the sexual tension. Repeat after me: Say this to your hand.

You wanna play hard to get, okay? Refer to yourself in the third person.

And then just start calling yourself Mama. If they seem into it, immediately switch and call yourself Daddy. Unless they tell you to stop because you should always respect what makes your partner comfortable, ok?

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So please, allow me to help you get laid the only way I know how: Read this: Kelly A Of All Time. More From Thought Catalog.

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