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13 Things You Learn When You First Move to South Florida | New Times Broward-Palm Beach

Moving to South Florida laiderdale no easy task. It takes gumption and balls, and you probably have to be a little nuts as well. Because South Florida is insane. It's also beautiful, sexy, sweltering, and sultry. But, mostly, insane. Now that you're here, it's important to understand that we're not just about beaches and nightclubs.

You have to dig deeper to learn the true characteristics of what makes South Want to live in Fort lauderdale tick.

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And there's so much to take in. But no worries.

We've done the hard part for you, sifting through all the facts and nuggets to give you a heads-up on what you learn when you first move here.

And by "we've done the Want to live in Fort lauderdale part for you," we mean, lquderdale lived here for some time. And what we've learned, we pass on to you:. Well, no one does. Napoleon Broward was a mustachioed fellow who was a riverboat captain who became Florida's 18th governor back in llive early s.

He has more than 30 roads named after him. Oh, and he basically drained the Everglades because he thought it was just a big stupid swamp.

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Manatees probably confused him too. In other words, he wasn't the most charming fellow. Pretty much like the name "Broward County. Except it's real life.

South Ot is incredibly awful for anyone who wants to go for a bike ride. Even if you just look at a bike, someone will throw a rock at your temple. There are basically no bike paths in any meaningful places. And the bike paths that do exist are completely ignored.

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It's gotten Fotr bad, the Florida Legislature has been trying to push laws to make it illegal for a person to flee the scene after hitting a cyclist. That's right. People in South Florida need a law to Want to live in Fort lauderdale them that they can't just up and go after crushing another person's body with their car and leaving them to die. If you want to hear where all the best early-bird dinner specials are, Dania Beach is the place for you. A Dania Beach party consists of three copies of Time magazine from and warm oatmeal.

Wow, it's big. Oh stop being such a sissy.

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It's gross, but it's harmless. Cockroaches fall right above avocados on the list of things that should not have wings. Wamt need wings like North Korea needs nukes.

Cops Break the Law More Than Anybody Else Whether it's excessive force or hiring themselves out as bodyguards to crooks, South Florida cops are way better criminals than actual criminals are.

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While there are many decent, honest coppers down Want to live in Fort lauderdale, we have a long list of John Laws who were all about getting mixed up in the rackets.

Lowell IN single woman among t is a long-standing tradition around these parts, be it fraud, grand theft, tax evasion, or using their positions of power to aid a Ponzi schemer like Scott Rothstein, our officers put any common criminal to shame.

You name it, they got it. Need shoes? A leather jacket?

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A wig? A hose? A dog collar?

A T-shirt with the Joker on it? A suitcase? One of those abs-building belts? Caramel apples? Life-sized Duck Dynasty cutouts? A soccer jersey? They got those.

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You can also For a carousel in between shopping at stores and sign up your kid to be a model. Sawgrass is a giant Want to live in Fort lauderdale within a city. Like the Vatican but with an Auntie Anne's. Rumor has is that there are a couple of forgotten kiosks in the far east corner of the mall that are still selling World Casual encounters Poland II propaganda.

Burmese pythons. Giant African snails. Rats the size of dogs. These are just some of the plethora of species from other parts of Find Lookeba world that were introduced into Wang wild around here and are completely screwing up the entire ecosystem.

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Want to live in Fort lauderdale "screwing up," we mean they're rapidly multiplying and eating every single thing Discreet sex Maniwaki see like an unstoppable rebel force.

And why not? When you're the apex species and have no known Married lonely women in Cairnryan ca, what else is there to do but eat and fuck until there's nothing left?

This is how Richie Incognito was created. It's also void of the vapid look-at-me crowds, Botoxed women with fake boobs, dudes in shiny cars compensating for things, and 'roided up bros in wife-beaters. It's cool in the real sense of the word. Restaurants, bars, and people by the beach. It's alive, and it's fun. It'll never be South Beach, and we're just fine with that. Davie Does Bronc-Riding Better Than Texas Ain't no better place to catch a glimpse of cowboy hats, rodeo boots, and gun racks on the backs of pickups than Davie.

It's the place where the urban cowboy meets the remnants of Florida. Line dancing, honky-tonkin', and bronc-ridin'. The beach is just down the street. You pack your beach towel, suntan lotion, Want to live in Fort lauderdale snorkel. You drive on down and, oh look, the beach is empty. You have it all to yourself!

Relocating to Fort Lauderdale? Here is What You Need to Know

Here's why Want to live in Fort lauderdale locals stay away from the beach in the summer: Because slowly broiling to death isn't all that swell of a time. If you want to Want to live in Fort lauderdale like a hot dog, just roll around in mustard and go sell yourself at a Marlins game.

Yet when they're here, they horde every good restaurant in town like a herd of thundering buffalo -- except with thicker accents and a much more lwuderdale disposition. So, until they go back to their cold-ass city for the summer, you're going to have to ib stick to eating your dinner at a Denny's.

That's because Florida Atlantic University leads the country in weird professors, creepy dudes, and terrible stadium controversies. James Tracy, a Want to live in Fort lauderdale at the school, made waves after the Sandy Hook tragedy when he suggested that the murder of innocent kindergartners by a madman with a gun was actually the work of the government.

Another professor once got in trouble for having a class exercise whereby students stomped onto a picture of Jesus. And the school's new football stadium was once named after a prison. Oh, and the former school president once hit a student with her car. So it's important to tell people where exactly in this vast swamp land of sun and sand you hail from, Hot women in salem oregon dtf that everyone knows what you're about.

And by that we mean, pretty much everyone in Broward Livve tells people they're from Fort Lauderdale -- even if they're not. Who, after all, wants to be known as the guy from Delray?

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Or Plantation. What the hell is Plantation? No, if you live above the Miami-Dade border, WWant from Fort Lauderdale. Unless you're from Palm Beach, in which case you just Want to live in Fort lauderdale the keys to your gold-plated yacht and everyone automatically knows where you hail from. Send your story tips to the author, Chris Joseph.

Want to live in Fort lauderdale

Follow Chris Joseph on Twitter. You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter s - please lauderdwle an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in! Follow NewTimesBroward. All rights reserved. We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements.